Kaleidoscopic Voyager

Originally published April 21st, 2019

“It all began with a stone, Or so the legend says...”

Note: There may be visual (and written) spoilers for the end of FINAL FANTASY XI's base game. Proceed with caution.

Hello to everyone who stumbles or miraculously reads this blog. In case you're new here, which is entirely likely, this is a personal blog of sorts where I post whatever I feel posting. I haven't been doing so lately due to life and being a college student; however, I've realized that while I was caught up in the mundanities of life that I've been unable to enjoy myself. Now I won't pour my heart and sorrows out here, especially since my life is by no means a difficult one. Far from the worst, as I have much to be thankful for. But I've felt as though I wasn't doing anything with myself aside from what I needed to do, in particular going to class and being academically achieved. I can't say I'm not successful, but I've come to realize once again, that success in the way others seek from you (academics, career, love, etc) does not bring about happiness, and certainly does not serve as a good reminder of one's self-autonomy. If anything it does the reverse, where having to be in obligation to one's own responsibilities and meeting the expectation of others serves to undermine ones ability to enjoy being alive. However, this honestly reminds me of when I was a freshman in high school, I attended the graduation ceremony for the seniors that year. One of the speakers was a senior with whom I worked with in the theatre club at the school.

I'll be scattering random images from when I played FFXI without posting about Lostwanderer's adventures.

We go on casual timetraveling related adventures, concerning a girl name Iroha.

Yes, I count as a theatre nerd, in case you couldn't tell by my fancy spelling of the word. Ho ho!

Visiting Kam'lanuaut in preparation to take on the Shadowlord.

Invasion on Xarcabard.

But what to garner from this little story is that the speaker mentioned that we are living our lives regardless of how mundane or draining it may feel, since after all we're alive and time stops for no one. We spend time with those around us regardless of whether we like them, dislike them, or could care less. No matter how boring of a time we may be having in class and with homework, that still counts as living out our lives. Thinking back on it, it's slowly nearing a decade ago since I've heard that part of the speech and it still sticks with me, you know? That regardless of whether we find ourselves doing what we'd like or are stuck with our own responsibilities and duties, that we're living our lives. Our “best life” doesn't start within a month, decade, or whenever we end up attaining what we sought after.

The Inner Sanctum of Castle Zvahl

The Shadowlord, himself

We stand facing the Shadowlord, formerly named Raogrimm

Ah, well Kam'lanaut is a backstabber. YOU'LL NEVER SEE IT COMING!

I don't believe that there is a best life to be found or to aim for, since it's simply life with all its ups, downs, joys, sorrows, rage, etc. We're living our lives right now, and making decisions regardless of how automated it appears or feels to be. Our duty, as existent beings I guess, is to keep on living and acknowledging what we aim to get out of our limited run here, reflect on what we value, and make an effort to make our playthrough worth it and valuable. For me, while I'd like to be a skilled professional with a job to support myself in the near future, I first and foremost hope to be an empathetic person, and to be someone who I personally can look up to. Call me cheesy or perhaps even naive, but in a world that comes off as increasingly cold, polarized, and cynical, either due to age, or the way we're going socially, I simply just want to be a good person. I don't want to give anyone trouble, but to live a peaceful life, and hopefully provide the same to those around me, the best I'm able.

Sanctuary of Zi'tah, one of the headstones we were sent to hunt on our quest to defeat the Zilarts, Kam'lanaut and Eald'narche.

I'd like to not restart, but instead pick up and continue where I left off. If I were to do the former, that would mean that I'd given up on that run, and would prefer to begin afresh, not bothering with struggling and persevering through the complexities of that continued persistent struggle. I've been alive for about two decades, I'm far from a point when I can restart. The real time to “restart” was when I was zero years old. That has long past, so I must continue on and push through my endeavors to attain and provide myself as well as others with what I enjoy and find worthwhile in my short stay here. Thank you for sticking through my rambling. So for now, I wish all of you a good night, morning, or day. Until next time, take care! May we continue living on, and enjoy our current ephemeral existence.

Lostwanderer decides to take on becoming a Red Mage, and thus turns to Valkurm dunes to continue improving himself to trudging through the lands and ages of Vana'diel.